counselling packages! Gimmickry? Or should you Go for it?
A Mumbai based psychologist-sexologist couple in a recent magazine interview
spoke about the ten session 'package' they have created for Pre-Marital
Counselling. How to-be-weds can enrol to have improved communication and
clarity before and after marriage. They state this will be a useful package
for all to-be-weds, whether it's a love or arranged marriage. The statistic
they quote is: 90% couples go ahead with marriage but 10% call off their
engagement. WeddingSutra.com spoke to some individuals to get their opinion
on this new concept.
Harsh Shrivastava, Corporate
Pre-marital counselling is a good idea. I would strongly recommend
it. Earlier, your grandmother would do such premarital counselling,
and so would your father-in-law. Now that you're on your own this will help.
Durga Krishnamurthy, Housewife
Very few couple will have the presence of mind to use the lessons
of communication they learnt in these sessions and accordingly react when
faced with a difficult situation later. These sessions will not
change one's basic nature, one has to make the change oneself-depending
on how important one feels the relationship is. Change is slow, need-based
and evolutionary- if you go for such a session before marriage, without
experiencing marriage and its unique challenges, it will not make any difference.
Insightful learning and change only happens with real experiences-positive
and negative, good and bad, happy and sad.
Kiran Manral, Writer
Maybe I'm old-fashioned but this won't work. I think each
couple will go through engagement and marriage with its unique problems
and issues, which they have to tackle in the best way they can with their
A couple who is not committed to the relationship will call off the engagement
anyway, and a couple who is committed will try and work out their differences.
You don't need to go to a psychiatrist or a counsellor even before issues
crop up to pre-resolve them. The ten-session 'package' appears to be a big
gimmick to get business from more couples.
Gaurav Bhatia, Marketer
& Luxury Consultant
Information of any kind is always enriching! Who knows there will be many
takers! Pre- marital counselling can demystify a number of myths and fallacies
about marriage and perhaps qualify realistic expectations between a couple.
Go for it!
Dr PV Vaidyanathan, Paediatrician
and Author of the book Spirituality Bytes
In theory pre-marriage counselling seems like a good idea. But how much
of this theory will translate into practice is the moot point. Reading or
talking about driving a car is not like the actual driving experience. Listening
to ten sessions about swimming is not the same as practising swimming in
the pool. In the same way, these sessions will have a limited usage,
because no amount of theory can prepare us for real life experiences. And
people react differently when faced with real challenges.
On a positive note, it will give couples more information on marriage and
what to expect from it. Most to-be-weds have no idea what marriage entails--
increasing responsibilities, changing relationships, ego problems, cultural
demands, curb in independence, shift in lifestyle, problems in money matters,
differing needs in sexual gratification. Many fall in love, the natural
culmination of which typically in India is marriage. But being in love and
getting married are different things. Girls and boys find themselves struggling,
both with their interpersonal relationships and with their respective parents
and in-laws after marriage. Also, most to-be-weds in India only have a vague
idea about sex and childbirth; or know little about the tremendous emotional
and physical demands of bringing up children. Many get frustrated because
they have too many expectations from marriage. As a child specialist, I
see many young parents are mentally unprepared to bring up children. It
is good that a mental health professional has thought it important to get
these couples together, tell them the facts about married life and give
them a fair idea about what to expect. However, only life after marriage
can teach couples more about themselves and about each other.