The 'Dowry' Factor

Here are some elementary DO's and DON'Ts for the prospective bride:

• DO initiate a candid discussion with the groom's family on the subject, expressing your reservations about the very concept
• DO admit the financial and social position you/your family occupy (ies) from the outset
• DO assess the groom's family's expectations even from subtle or not-so-subtle hints dropped by them in the courtship or pre-nuptial phase ("Naturally, our son will require his own new premises for his practice after marriage" or "We don't know how we can afford a new car for our son, but naturally, with his new important job and status, he will need one, especially with a family to plan for soon".)
• DO consult with your own parents regarding their ability and willingness to 'provide'
• DO muster a social support group in case you should need their strength should you feel in doubt or under pressure
• DON'T let yourself become a pawn in a bidding game
• DON'T let pride get in the way
• DON'T always assume that it'll be all right later. Think of what may come later, if you ignore the danger signs
• DON'T confuse candour with the ability to negotiate or compromise. Mutual understanding is a must. If it does not exist at this stage, then it is a poor basis for any potential marriage
• DON'T allow any of the parties concerned to confuse a wedding GIFT with a DOWRY. A gift is a gift, given willingly and with love. A dowry is legally frowned upon and should not be condoned
• DON'T hesitate to rely on your instincts. Do not let your family persuade you otherwise in the mistaken belief that agreeing to dowry demands would ultimately be in your own best interests .